Sand In My Eye

Sifting Through My Wonderland

2005-08-07T07:55:00.000+04:30

Sifting Through My Wonderland

Just as Alice was lost that day
I was lost as well
I hoped that I could find my way
But time would only tell

I sorted through the things I thought
Would clear my slate of guilt
But close examination brought
A façade that I had built

I was lying to myself
Lying everyday
“be true to thine own self”
I could not even say

A pillar of lies built by me
A book of false words
Was there for everyone to see
Damning me with its words

Looking back I feel remorse
For I was in denial
I try to keep things from getting worse
Begging for forgiveness all the while

I wrote this my Senior Year in Highschool. Oddly enough, I never turned it into my creative writing teacher. I probably should have because I know she would have liked it.

Now, I'm sitting in the house that I grew up in going through all the old computer files. I'm that bored.

Pwned

2005-07-08T02:58:00.000+04:30

It has been brought to my attention that this blog has not been updated in several weeks.

So this is my update.

Nothing has changed since my last update because I am jobless. I sit in my apartment most of the day playing random games and such with Red.

.....

I have been pwned by the computer gaming industry.

2 Months to the Day

2005-06-10T10:52:00.000+04:30

It's been two months since I last updated. I remember a time when I would update every chance I got just because there was so much to say.

Now, there is nothing to say and I am going to say it.

There is absolutely nothing to say. So I will sing a song.

Let Her Cry - Hootie And The Blowfish

She sits alone by a lamp post.
Trying to find a thought that's escaped her mind.
She says Dad's the one I love the most.
But Stipe's not far behind

She never let me in.
Only tells me where she's been,
When she's had to much to drink.
I said that I don't care.
I just run my hands through her dark hair
Then I pray to god you gotta help me fly away.

And just Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go, let her walk right out on me.

And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.

Let her be.

This morning I woke up alone
Found a note standing by the phone
Saying baby, maybe I'll be back someday
I wanted to look for you, you walked in I didn't know just what I should do.
So I sat back down, and I had a beer and felt sorry for myself.

Saying

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go, let her walk right out on me.

And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.

Let her be.

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go, let her walk right out on me.

And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.

Last night I tried to leave, she cried so much I could not believe.
She was the same girl, I fell in love with long ago.
She went in the back to get high, I sat down on my couch and cried yelling,
Oh mama, please help me, won't you hold my hand.

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go, let her walk right out on me.

And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.

Let her cry, if the tears fall down like rain.
Let her sing, if it eases all her pain.
Let her go, let her walk right out on me.

And if the sun comes up tomorrow, let her be.

Let her be.

I remember when I first heard this song, I was supremely depressed by it. I don't even know why, I didn't even hear the lyrics to it. I was just driving around in my 1988 Buick Century Limited Edition.

Ahh, memories.

That thing was a beast. Looked terrible, sounded even worse, yet it was freedom at the cost of 1 dollar and 10 cents or so per gallon. Of course, this was several years ago.

It's odd, whenever I try and calculate how long ago something was, I keep missing an entire year. I thought it was just me, but other people are doing it too. It's most people from my Unit obviously, I guess being deployed has that affect on things. It's not that it was traumatic, on the contrary it was a life defining moment that will shape me and mold me more and more the further through life I go. Sure, I saw some things that were unpleasant, there is no doubt about that. Sure, I did some things that I wish I didn't have to do, but I'd do them again without even thinking about it.

I know that we helped people there. I know that many aspects of their life have been improved because of our presence there in Iraq.

I know that we got that fucker and his two sons, and I know that we will never let him go.

He's ours to parade around because he was a sadistic asshole, and there is no better place for him to be than on a pike in my front yard.

Well, I guess that would work if I had a front yard, seeing that I live in an apartment.

Update

2005-04-02T12:01:00.000+04:30

Well, seeing that the last post I made was in Kuwait and I have been home for over 3 weeks, I might just update this.

I'm back in the states, doing whatever it is that I have been doing. Most of the time is spent playing computer games and such. Steph and I have reacquainted after not seeing her for over 6 months. It's really good to see her everyday. I don't know how I made it that long without her.

Just watched the movie "Sin City," and I can honestly say that is one of the best movies I have ever seen in Theaters. Great plot, great graphics......acting was cheesy but I'm pretty sure it was suppose to be. Oh, and don't get creeped out by watch Bruce Willis make out, it's a little weird.

Rooming with Red now and it's odd. We don't really speak all that much except through the internet even though he is less than 20 feet away. It's still all good though. It's odd, I'm awake when he's asleep and when hes awake (but not for too long), and he's Awake when I'm asleep and when I'm awake. I know that doesn't make much sense, but it does when you see it like I do. I think he only gets maybe 5 hours of sleep every 2 days.

What the hell has World Of Warcraft done to us?

Steph's Father, a Man Of Talents

2005-02-15T15:05:00.000+03:30

Well, we just had our medical briefings for redeployment back to the states. If you have ever been privy to a medical briefing in the military, you will realize that there must be some kind of cookie cutter pattern to their medical briefings because this one was exactly like all the others. The only real difference between this one was the fact that there was an industrial revolution at some point in the Army and now they have palm pilots for you to work with. We answered all the questions on the palm pilot and that was it. They then gave us another card that has all our medical info on it and we are to take it back to the states with us. This makes the medical portion of our Demobilization a lot faster unless you are like me and you have been to Sick Call 3 times the entire time you have been here. 3 times isn't all that much I'm told but I still feel like a moron for it. Once was for when I mangled my finger with a piece of armour plating. Another time was for the mishap with the truck tailgate. All laughter aside, it hurt like a bitch and since it happened on mission, I had to get it checked out. The only real serious reason to go to sick call was when I needed a wisdom tooth pulled. I'll tell you, if you ever get the chanceto have a wisdom tooth pulled, it is an exhilerating experience as long as they don't have to cut it out. I'm told that hurts enough to make you want to call for your mother. For me, they just numbed me up, pushed the gums away from my tooth, then used a plier-like device and ripped it out. I'm not sure why it crunched when they pulled it out, but it was still an experience. After 2 days of quarters which is where they make you stay in your room without doing anything, I was back in the normal swing of things with Tylenol 3. Unfortunately, since they gave me Tylenol 3 I had to turn in my weapon because Tylenol 3 is a narcotic. So after my brief semi-addiction to feeling good (which lasted 6 pills), I was allowed to carry my weapon around again. I still wasn't mission capable though. I still had to do all kinds of bullshit paperwork because it was done in country. Now I have an indention in my back gums because there use to be a tooth there. I'm told I should tongue it because it could cause dry socket, but I can't help it. It's a really weird feeling. That sounds extremely erotic right now.
Uh.. I didn't say that, thta was my penis talking.
Good news is I should be home in 1 month at most. After a short stay in Kuwait cleaning the trucks and doing yet more paperwork, I should be able to move into my apartment with Red and cause problems like I always do. I hope Red and my girlfriend get along well because they are going to be seeing eachother very often seeing that she lives maybe 50 meters away. Wow, that was a sore spot in my family. My parents were outwarldy OK with us moving in with eachother, but inwardly, they were completely against it. Her parents were outwardly against it, and inwardly totally against it. Did I mention that her father wants to kill me and bury me in the back yard? No seriously, there is this area in their "pasture"(more like killing fields) that is about the size of a coffin that is kept all nice and pretty. I didn't see it the first time I was at her house, but the next time I was there, I saw her father milling around in that area. That's when I noticed the freshly cut grass and her father taking his thumb horizontally across his throat whilst scowling at me. Well, the hand gesture didn't actually happen, but the scowl did. I have seen him smile however, but I think that was when he was thinking about the different ways he could kill me. I'm pretty sure no one would ever find my body if he did what I'm thinking he's going to do.
Since I've started in on this phobia that most males have bout their girlfriend's father, I may as well think of ways that he could kill me.
Well the obvious ones would be he could run me over with his truck, he could shoot me with his .22 rifle, he could stab me with some sharp object, he could beat me to death with a blunt object, he could light me on fire, he could gouge out my eyes with his thumbs, he could slam my head in the door repeatedly, he could turn his oven on and force some of my body into it, he could drown me in the bathtub/toilet/sink, he could smother me with a pillow, he could push me down the stairs, he could push me through the sliding glass door and use the glass to puncture something I need, he could turn his oven hot plates on and hold my face on it, he could break my neck with his bare hands, he could pick me up and break my back over his knee then let me slowly blink out, he could electrocute me, he could starve me to death in his closet, he could throw me off his roof, he could pour sulphuric acid on me, he could decapitate me, he could remove on of my limbs in a non-medical fashion and let me bleed to death, he could poison me, he could blow up his house with me in it, .....I'm not feeling too creative now, I'll probably add to this list a little bit later.
Oh Jesus, I probably just gave him a few more ideas he hadn't even thought of.
Oh well, at least I know what to try and fend off til after I marry his daughter.

The Chick From Angel Fucks Me Up

2005-02-15T15:04:00.000+03:30

I haven't updatged this thing in a long time. Of course, it's going to be even longer for you guys because I have moved into the transition barracks and there is an internet blackout here now. They are expecting bad bad things to happen to my beloved Taji. Let them happen. They cannot even aim a mortar in the right direction let alone use Grid Coordinates to zero them into a direct hit. I guess if they wer to launch over 50 of them they could probably do some serious damage. The problem with that is they would have to wait around long enough for aircraft to get close enough to kill them. They are either too smart, or too cowardly to do that. The way I look at it, They will probably drop maybe 10 mortars into our base, we'll send maybe 25 to 30 artillery rounds out back at them in an area big enough to blanket a few city blocks, and that will probably kill enough of them that they will want to wait a few days to mourn and possible start sme Haj or Jihad against us.
We'll lose a few soldiers and then they'll lose a few hundred insurgents and their friends and families will get pissed off at us. Then we'll have 2000 people pissed off at us and we'll lose a few more soldiers, and then they'll lose an even larger amount of people. Their families and friends will get even more angry about it and more and more people will try and kill us. It's much like Vietnam where we invaded then refused to leave. People became angry and they tried to kill Americans. Well, they didn't try to kill Americans, they did. They killed thousands of Americans.
Which is what happened in Iraq. They have killed many of us, and they will continue to kill us until we leave this country, and oddly enough we are dragging our feet to leave this country. Most of the people I know are hoping that after they elect their Government, they will vote us out of here.
I've actually started watching yet another TV series. I've quit watching Buffy mainly because i have watched season 1, 2, 5, and 6. They do not sell seasons 3, 4, and 7 here unfortunately. I'm sure I would have bought them too.
Now, I am watching Angel. Yes, I am watching that Spin Off from Buffy The Vampire Sticker In The Chester. Personally, I think it's better than Buffy. This is more manly and less whiney. Buffy whined a lot. I don't mean she whined every other episode. I mean she whined every 20 minutes of every single episdoe. Plus, this one encompasses the whole "Fight the good fight" and "Do the right thing always." Personally, I believe that by removing Sadaam was fighting the good fight. I believe that it was doing right right thing also. This occupation though, I'm unsure as to whether this is good for this country.
On one hand, if we would have just left as soon as we got rid of Sadaam, then we wouldn't be losing people like we are. Unfortunately, if we would have done that, we would have traded one evil dictator for another. There were several Clerics and Holy Men that were fighting for power while Sadaam was there. Only, they were fighting for the seat just below him. Now they are fighting for absolute power. Obviously, this is the final showdown for these people who want power. At first, the main player was this guy that had his own militia that dressed in black clothing with green, orange, and yellow arm and headbands. I think we generally decided that it was pronounced "Mahdi" or or "Mahadi" or something like that. This guy had tons of people that wanted to fuck everyone up that happened to be American and non Arabic. We escorted the unit that was privy to their first big uppity "I want to kill everything that is not American and not Arabic." They got fucked up bad. Several vehicles were disabled, and they actually ran out of ammo. A soldier carries a significant amount of ammo on him or her. The amount is so significant that it is very uncommon for someone to be completely "Red" on ammo. Well, that or "Black" on ammo. Depends on which unit you are apart of. I'm unsure as to whether any soldiers were killed in the attack, but I know that 2 soldiers were injured, 1 seriously. She was in a drug induced coma last I herad. She took 3 to 5 rounds in her chest. Good thing she was wearing her body armour. The armour stopped all those. What messed her up the most was a round that went underneath the brim of her helmet. She was put in the coma to reduce the amount of pain she was in. Word has it that she will make a full recovery. According to the unit, they killed 30+ people. Then again, they are also the unit that lost someone to an explosive and went ape shit on everything. I'm sure if you have been reading my journal you will recognize the unit I am referring to. I don't even remember if I hvae mentioned this little tidbit of information before, but I'm almost sure I haven't. All I know is that as far as units that have had it hard, they deserve every bit of mercy they got. It's been confirmed, they were the most decorated unit in country. Most of them were Purple Hearts though. A Purple Heart is given when a soldier is injured and it requires medical treatment. Keep in mind, this isn't a John Kerry Purple Heart. This is the real deal with this unit. Most soldiers would love to get a Purple Heart. Nothing like an old war wound to show off to the general populace. I'm pretty confident that I could go without one though. In fact, I'm positive I could go without one. Or without a serious wound that could kill me.
Yeah, I could go without that.
Ah, Angel. I'm not too sure if I like the name though. I can't make fun of it. Buffy made it easy. So many synonyms for "Slayer." Angel though is difficult to make fun of. I think I've already said that though. It doesn't even have a sub title to it. It's just "Angel." No "Dark Avenger," or "Helper of the Helpless." It's just "Angel."
Heh, and this girl had sex with this "guy" and now she is pregneant. Well, she is 9 months pregneant overnight. Haha, this is definately an "Anti-sex" thing for highschool students. Jeez, and the guy didn't even call. He even disappeared. That's messed up. They went to Pre Natal care to see what kind of babies are being born. I think they are freaking out the doctor a bit. Apparently, he found at least 10 heartbeats. Of course, Angel is now trying to find the thing that did this to his friend. All of the "guy's" friends are that happen to be female are pregneant.
And this journal is going nowhere so I'm going to cut this off prematurely. Unless you want to say it was far too late. I'm sure this was a pathetic journal.
Anyway, see ya later. I should be home in a month or so.

2005-02-15T15:03:00.000+03:30

Well, this is probably the longest entry I will ever post. I'm not going to reread it because I hate reading what I post. I don't really know why, ijust do. I won't be proofreading it because it's far too long to proofread too. Oh well, I don't expect people to read this because this is the most ignorant post I have ever posted. Oh well, enjoy it if you can.
Wow, I'm watching the last disc of the first season and it’s getting better and better.
*Deleted because the topic that I stumbled onto doesn't really have any direction and I'm pretty sure trying to contrive a topic out of it is useless*
*Topic deleted because it was incoherent and still not going anywhere*
This entry is becoming more and more difficult to post mainly because I have nothing too important to post.
Well, we move out of our barracks in a week. That's great news because that means we are one step closer to going to home. I can almost taste the Taco Bell in my mouth. What I wouldn't give for lard-cooked taco right now.
In case some of you are wondering, "Taco Bell" isn't really about tacos and burritos and gorditas, it's all about world dominat.......er I mean it's actually a metaphor for Going Home. I'm not totally sure why I chose Taco Bell for the metaphor though. I don't really love Taco Bell that much. It is good, but it just doesn't hit the spot like a "Pollo Loco" from Gran Rio. Basically it's a slab of chicken breast seared in a pan and then covered in an amazing cheese sauce. They then give you tortillas and you put the chicken in the tortilla then stuff it in your mouth.
Oddly enough, this episode of Buffy The Vamp Impaler is covering biggest fears. They had this clown chasing this guy in it. Its laugh was more intensely scary than the clown itself even though it was brandishing a rather large kitchen knife. It was a mix of a Krusty the Clown laugh and something you would hear if an overweight person's ass was remove from a vinyl seat after becoming sweaty and sticky.
Going back to what I was saying about Taco Bell, Taco Bell completely encompasses everything I cannot have. Things like a normal phone conversation or a simple conversation that doesn't involve the word "Iraq" or "IED" or yes, even the word "convoy." I haven't even been on a mission over 2 weeks and I still am completely tired of them. Sure, the first 9 months of running missions every chance we got was exciting but now I am just ready to get Taco Bell. Honestly, I can see how someone would see this as whining or complaining and yes, they are right. This is the most complaining I have ever done in word form. I use to do things like telling people to keep their chin up and bullshit statements like that. The contemporary thing now is making statements like "Just two more weeks" or "We're done doing missions now" and even something so pathetic as "Shut the fuck up and drive on." Most people are getting more and more excited about it being almost time to go home, but honestly, I'm getting more and more irritated with people that are getting more and more excited. The whole trip to Kuwait and the flight home seems so far away that it is the unobtainable Soft Shell Taco and CinnaTwists.
*Deleted because I'm done whining*
Ahh, another episode of Buffy The Vampire Stabber is moving across the screen. This one is about an invisible female that turned invisible because no one paid attention to her. I honestly think turning invisible would be an interesting ability to have. My military career would be slightly different. I guarantee you I would be an assassin or an intelligence operative. Something more conventional would be as a scout. That or I would be an experiment for the government to find out how to create more invisible people. I really need another hobby than to think of ways to sneak into girls' locker rooms.
Heh, I'm still watching Buffy the Vampire Mutilator. This one consists of Buffy having a prophecy saying she's going to die (again) and she quits being the Slayer because she is only sixteen, and she doesn't want to die. I can't blame her, someday I'll be 60 and I won't want to die. Hopefully I'll be 90 and still not want to die. That'd be almost amazing. If I lived to be 100 I think I’d be ready to die. That's a pretty good run at life. Well, that's an excellent run at life.
I'm still rambling on and I'm still watching Buffy the Vampire Piercer. Even though it's 12 hours after I started this journal entry, it still keeps going because I keep rambling on about random things.
Well, now Buffy is wearing a prom dress and fighting a hella bad vampire known as The Master. Of course, he's the baddest mofo this side of J Street. Of course, he caught the crossbow bolt that was shot at his heart. HA, he just used the force to make Buffy stop running from him. I remember the Beavis and Butthead episode where Butthead looks at some random female that he finds attractive and says "Come to Butthead." I can imagine The Master saying that when he used the force on Buffy. I guess you can call it charm. Maybe he used his charm to do it. Man, I either need to get some more sleep, or I need to stop watching Buffy The Vampire Penetrator. I'm pretty sure I need sleep, but I'm also pretty sure I won't stop watching Buffy The Vampire Enter....er. It's kind of funny, I remember when I first started watching this show that I would call Red and ask, "Hey, are you watching Buffy?" My parents would get irritated with me because we'd be watching the show together and I'd be on the phone with Red making jokes and laughing obnoxiously. I also missed maybe 2 episodes. Oddly enough, I missed the first episode, and the last episode. Now that I have recouped the lost knowledge of the alpha and the omega, it's time to move on to the second season. Heh, they actually have a recap of what happened in the first season. Eh, I've seen this episode. Awww, the two best friends are going to kiss. Awww, the class nerd and the class.....loser are going to kiss. That's soooo cute, and a vampire just happens to show up. Buffy is of course there to save the day though.
I've wondered if the Watchers were actually a cult of Pedophiles. IF you don't know what I'm talking about, a Watcher is someone that, well....watches. Basically, he's there to help the Slayer. He does research and helps her train in Martial Arts and such. Did I mention he watches, a lot? Like I said, I think they are a bunch of Pedophiles. A 40-year-old man is "working" (more like working it) with a 16-year-old female that looks amazing in spandex.
Cibo Matto? Who the fuck is Cibo Matto? Apparently, Buffy would sport random bands that were just barely making it and this is one of them. It looks like 2 Asian females and an Asian male. Oh, and there's a white guy on drums. The guitar player has this really horrible pair of glasses on. Usually, I would use the word "coke bottles" as a good way to explain it, but I don't think that's going to be accurate in this instance. I only reserve the words "coke bottles" for someone that doesn't look that bad in them. This guy looks horrid. So horrid that I would like to run into my computer screen, merge with the DVD and kick him repeatedly until he took them off. Or I could continue until I kicked him in the face and they fell off and smashed on the ground. I think I would prefer that they flew off. Yeah, I'm sure I would prefer that they flew off along with his teeth and lower jaw. I have anger issues that are being brought forth by Buffy The Vampire Gutter. That or it could be that I need more sleep. Either way, this is really unnerving.
Still watching Buffy by the way. Now she is challenging her future lover Angel. She came back from Los Angeles and is all pissed off about something now. So she is making everyone mad and yelling at everyone. It kind of reminds me of those briefings they gave us about "Reintegration." Apparently, several US soldiers went home after war and beat their wives and children. I think even a few of them killed their wives. At first, they blamed it on stress. Naturally though, someone got a hold of medical records and saw that yes indeed, all of the soldiers received the Anthrax vaccine. Well, since the vaccine was never fully tested, it was obviously a good choice as a scapegoat. Well, some random Army doctor proved that it couldn't have been the anthrax vaccine, so next they blamed these pills we were taking for malaria. I think they are called "Mononoquill" or something to that effect. Let's just say, that if you were a drug addict and you had to clean our your system in a few days before a drug test, this would be the way to do it. You might as well of had malaria because you were suffering from the same symptoms of malaria, only not without the extended sickness and inevitable death.
*Deleted because I'm going to bed*
And I'm back after 5 hours of sleep. It's yet another episode of Buffy The Vampire.... running out of synonyms now.
The guys came back early from their mission for a quick stop because of problems with IEDs and RPG attacks against other convoys. It's really odd that they didn't just stay at BIAP or some other place and continue in the morning, but they didn't. It's good to see them. Now they are walking out now getting ready to finish their mission. They will probably be gone another 2 or 3 days. Again, it's good to only share the room with 2 other people rather than 6 other people.
Hmm, this episode encompasses everything that has to do with High School and the glory that someone can achieve there. A football player died and his brother resurrected him much like Frankenstein was brought to life. Since the resurrectee is a freakish looking person he realizes that he can never integrate with the real world so he begs his brother to make a "bride" for him. The first few body parts were easy to come by because 3 females died in a car crash. Unfortunately for the head cheerleader, they needed her head for the finale. She was still alive of course thus a conflict was born. Head cheerleader wants to keep her head. Frankenstein type of person...er thing, wants her head so he can probably get head. There's a lot of head there. HEAD cheerleader wants to keep her HEAD but the HEAD of the football team wants her HEAD so he can get HEAD from the bride they were making for him.
Heading on.... Oh come on, that joke was remotely funny in a non-funny way. I don't really know why I keep adding onto this journal entry. It's obvious that most people would have quit reading it ages ago. It's been around 15 paragraphs of pure nonsense. For those of you that are still reading this, I give you a cookie. It will be a very large cookie that has sprinkles and big chunks of chewy chocolate. I'm not totally sure if it's going to be a peanut butter cookie or if it's going to be something like a normal cookie. Even a sugar cookie might be possible. Well, not possible whilst I am here. I'll get that cookie to you just as soon as I get my golden beaver from Canada for using the word "eh" in civilized conversation.
It's been 3 hours since my last addition to the ever-growing journal entry. I haven't figured out if I am actually going to post this or not. Really, not posting it wouldn't be a big deal; it would just be another wasted day. One more day I could have spent at school or with my friends. But here I am, sitting watching Buffy The Vampire Perforator. It's all right though. I have some money saved up from my deployment. I figure some much needed things that I need when I get back will take a chunk out of my "Iraq Fund." A car at this point is definitely needed. I use to drive an '88 Buick Century. Now, all laughing aside, this wasn't just a Buick Century. This was a Buick Century Limited. It was one of the finest luxury cards of its time that didn't exceed 15,000 dollars. It had great seats that were extremely comfortable. It had an "economy engine" with a horizontal four-cylinder engine. This thing could really pick up and go *cough* *cough*. Its speedometer only went to 85 MPH but it easily (with the assistance of a hill) made it to 95 MPH. Then the car obviously reached the Governor's set point to kill all fun and the vehicle died. 95 MPH was the fastest that I ever moved in my entire life until Red got the Honda Del Sol. The car itself was great looking. It was sleek and it made us feel "rich." We tailed a Plymouth Prowler for a while just for kicks. Then we wandered onto a road that was hardly ever used. It had a slight downhill grade to it and it was fairly straight. We started about 3 quarters of the way up the hill and he floored it. The first time we made it to 115 MPH. There was a little hill in the middle of the hill, which we missed. The car jumped a bit. We ran into a little traffic and had to slow down a bit. Naturally, it was awesome and we went back up the road and started farther up the hill with the undeniable logic of "More room to accelerate, the more speed we would get by the time we had to brake." Like I said, it was undeniable logic. You can't say the way we thought was wrong. We just forgot some little minor flaw in our plan. That little bump that made the car jump a bit.... well we would have a higher top speed when we got to it. We jumped a bit higher this time. We didn't try to do it again. We figured that was enough. We made it to 117 MPH though. I cannot complain too much. Most of the people that I know haven't gone that fast before. Even though I'm told that isn't very fast at all anyway.
Amazingly, it's yet another episode of Buffy the Vampire Aerator. Some rich fraternity guys pray to this demon that makes them rich. Oh, and they sacrifice 3 females to it. I bet those Enron guys had nothing to do with this demon eh? Do I get my fucking golden beaver now? I could so pawn that thing. Wait, I mean I could treasure that thing forever and ever. I could name it George and pet it and love it and squeeze it. I could take care of it also. I could keep the dust off of it and make sure to keep it really shiny.
Hehe, this episode is showing a guy that makes people turn into their Halloween costume. The weak male figure turns into a soldier that is super tactical and super cool. The best friend that is very conservative and tries to hide is wearing a slutty costume but decides to hide underneath a ghost costume turns into a ghost. Buffy though decides to try and woo the old vampire guy by wearing something that females in his time would have worn. So obviously she looks amazing in her old time gown. Since she is all "purdified," she turns into a cream puff and the local Vampire Slayer killer uses this instance to try and kill her. And the male figure is such a loser as a soldier. A real soldier wouldn't put his finger on the trigger until he was absolutely ready to fire. He's walking around holding the weapon up by the trigger. Oh, and he has one of those "Movie Mags" that never run out of ammunition. Wow, a 25 round burst without a 30 round magazine, very impressive. Well, I take that back, he has a 30 round magazine. He just manages to not ever have to reload.
I actually opened up Microsoft Word to spellcheck this entry. Which means that yes indeed I will be posting this in my journal. So all my loyal readers will have the chance to read the first few paragraphs and see that it's not going anywhere and click on one of the links on the right. *nudge nudge*
I don't think I can even force myself to reread everything I have typed the last 35 hours.

Buffy Fucks Me Up

2005-02-15T15:01:00.000+03:30

Big Brother

2005-02-15T15:00:00.000+03:30

I try not to gain inspiration from other people's journals because I feel like I am stealing ideas or I am just copying off some random post that meant something to me just to post something. I am always apprehensive to do this because I believe I may post something that isn't true to who I am or what I am. I know it sounds prima donna-ish for me to say something like "I want to be original" or "I will make people want to copy off of me," but honestly, I want to be original in these posts mainly because for some of you people out there in the "Land of other than here," this is really the only way you will ever get to know me.
Every now and then someone will do a post stating what they think of someone or how they perceive how that person feels about them. I have for the longest time avoided this because I was semi-afraid to offend someone or to be totally off basis and have someone try and set the record straight. Why on Earth would someone want to "Set the record straight" because of a misconception on an online journal, I will never know, but people out there do it, believe me, I know.
I'm going to leave behind these fears/thoughts and give you a post to mull over giving my thoughts about you and your inner workings from what I have deduced.
I'm not posting this because I am angry at anyone, nor am I posting this because I think there are somethings lacking in these relationships, this is just something I have been thinking about because of me being gone so long.
And the lucky winner to go first will be....
Stephanie-You are my girlfriend, future wife, future mother to my children and future owner of a minivan whether you want it or not. I love you more than anything, and I know that can be extremely hard to see by my actions, everything I do is in our best interest. Well, it is in my mind and you'll probably have to kick start that "logic" mechanism thats in my mind sometimes.
Red-Ahh, my future roomate whom I have shared several years of friendship with. We both have skeletons in our closets so to speak, and oddly enough, some of those skeletons are linked together. I've fucked up in the past and I'm truly sorry about it. Unfortunately, there isn't anything I can do about it now. I'll make it up to you someday though. I'm looking forward to playing video games and wasting time on the internet making fun of some random newbie person on Gunbound. Obviously though, you'll have to protect me so I can make fun of him with you because I suck something awful at that game. You'll probably have to protect me from your mom also. I won't hit her because that will just fuel the fire she has against me anyway so I'll just step back and let you handle her. I'm sure there will be some kind of altercation at the apartment, but I don't really give a damn. If I can handle Hajis shooting Rpgs, Small arms, and Anti tank rockets at me, or them trying to blow me up with 155mm artillery rounds wired to a cell phone, and let's not forget that fucking landmine that was in the middle of the road, then I can handle a foul demon that can rotate her head 360 degrees and spit fire from her mouth. I'll use my patented "PSW fighting styo."
Nano-Someday we will insult eachother face to face instead of through some random chat program. When we do, you'll get that premptive strike and recieve 200 points before I get warmed up, but I will at least get 1 point before I leave canada, I guarantee it. Honestly though, I think it will be a riot to be up there in Grand Ol' Canada with you seeing the sights, and basically wasting time.
Pud-I've known you for over 6 years now. I was thinking about that the other day. There has been 6 years of fat jokes and circus freak jokes, and pretty much heathen behaviour between us. I rang my first doorbell and ran with you, and I covered my first car with clear plastic wrap with you. The times have been great, and I expect that they will continue to get better once I get out of this hellhole. You will have to come visit me in columbia sometime. I might even let you sleep on the Fouton instead of sleeping on the floor.
Chronic-Well, we have had our arguments and our random altercations that only became violent because you kept pushing and pushing until I felt like the only way to stop you was make idle threats and punch you in the arm repeatedly. It's been good. I'm glad to see that you are continuing with the music and I hope you continue with school. You are a decent person and while I do not agree with some of your decisions, I will back you providing you don't sing that damn "Andy" song ever again. If you do that, I may have to exert some of my pent up Iraq rage on you. Just ignore it if while I am punching you, I accidently call you "haji" or "towel head" or "camel Jocky" or anything else that is obviously a racial slur against the fine upstanding people of Iraq.
Seta-You are my first friend and thus be default, my longest friendship I'll ever have. We've had some great times and I hope we will continue to have great times. For starters though, we need to get out of the computer phase and move onto something like concerts. I think we would have a good time at a Rammstein concert. You won't admit it, but I know deep down that you like it, somewhere in there, we'll find it someday.
Now we are getting into my military buddies. I'll just post their last name because a lot of them don't even have online user names.
Tracy-My weight lifting buddy that benches over 340 pounds. That's almost 2 of me, and it's kinda creepy. You taught me so much about firearms that the FBI is now searching your home because they think you are a terrorist, it's not my fault I swear. Plus, ever since you showed me those lifts for my shoulders, they have gotten huge. I look kinda linebackerish now. Still too chubby though, but that's alright. Red and I will work on the chub. I'm still planning on showing up at your house one day and shooting shit. You'd better have all those guns of yours oiled and cleaned. It's gonna be awesome.
Albertson-The other weight lifting buddy. Just cuz I increased my bench max and kept going and you plateaued out, doesn't mean we still can't be friends. I hope to see you again after this deployment is over, even though you live in a small ass town that I can't remember the name of at this moment. Oh yeah, "Meadville" if there is such a place.
Turner-My super clean minded battle buddy. I have chipped away at your innocence for the past year, I hope you don't mind. Keep those turnerisms going and I'll keep making fun of you as much as I can(A turnerism can also be defined as a Freudian slip. Basically, he'll saying something completely innocent to him but to everyone else, it's a complete laugh fest. For instance, he was an only child and when he was explaining this to me, he said "I played with myself a lot." Me being the sick minded fiend I am, I immediately laughed out loud. I think I made him mad on this one though). I hope I can attend your marriage and i pray you have little Turners just like you.
I'm sure I forgot someone in here but honestly it's far too early to continue this. I'll probably do a part two of this later on but right now, I need to sleep.

Spirited Inspiration

2005-02-15T14:58:00.000+03:30

Jan 11

2005-02-15T14:54:00.000+03:30

Well, the evil internet company finally did it, they shut off our internet and made us go offline. They have had poor service for the longest time and now they are saying "You cannot have anymore internet FOREVER!"

Faggots.

So now I am resorting to typing these things up into notepad and pasting them at a later time. What's odd is that the other server in our barracks that had just as much trouble as our server did is still operational. Of course, the people that have the internet in the other building won't let anyone borrow their internet connection for just a bit. Thus, I am saving these journals on my computer and having people read this over my shoulder as I type it.
Oh, and I've also resorted to watching Buffy The Vampire Slayer in reverse sequence. Last week I watched season six and now I am working on season five.
Someone asked me the other day how I could subject myself to this torture. At first, i thougt he was talking about the terrible acting and the horrible twisting of the vampire myth. Well, I figured it out that he was indicating that the females in this show are hot enough to masturbate to.

He may be right.
He most certainly is.

All things being equal though, that's not a fair thing to say. There are lots of shows with bad acting that have very attractive females in them.

Porn.

Moving on very quickly....
Still moving on.....
Trying to move on.....
I don't think any male really moves past porn unless they are gay, and I am not gay.
Anyway I get the chance to actually eat a Taco Bell Taco in about 50ish days. It's not like I really crave Taco Bell Tacos or I actually really love them, it's more of a feeling that they are unaccesible to me and I must have them. Just like I must have a room to myself to get away from everyone. People are getting stressed out here. I can honestly say I am not being stressed out by anything that is going on in Iraq, it's actually because everyone else is getting more stressed out.
Ever since my little statistical anomally, that wasn't quite an anomally, they have sidleined me from every single mission that has happened. I haven't been on 11 missions in a row.
First off, everyone needs to know that this is my job and yes indeed, I love it. Well, love is a trite word that means so much more than anyone can understand.
I love feeling the bounce of the truck underneath my feet, I love feeling the weapon in my hands, hearing the ammo "jingle jingle," and most of all, I love the power of something that can take life indescriminately. I'm not saying that I enjoy getting shot at and shooting back. There's a certain feeling of absolute power in knowing that you have the ability to take life and there are not nearly as many consequences here as there are in the States. Honestly, I have thought about shooting a random haji that didn't get out of our way while we were convoying. There has always been a serious threat of Vehicle Born Explosives. For the longest time, we could force vehicicles off the road if they wouldn't move out of our way. Now, we have to "play nice." Any soldier that has been a gunner and had to deal with the idiocy of a country that they are trying to help and to have that help spit back into their face will feel a little resented. Not to mention the half dozen RPGs that have whizzed over my head, or near my head, or in front of my head. Honestly, I'm very tired of anything flying in front of my head, or behind my head, or over my head. Especially if they whistle when they do it then explode when it makes contact with something other than air. Having a fully automatic weapon in your hands makes you feel like a man.

Unfortunately, I do NOT have the ability to give life or even heal a person.
Which makes me only half a man.

!!!!11!1!!!1!!!ONE1!!1!!!!

2005-02-06T15:17:00.000+03:30

I'm in Kuwait, land of less-than-evil Hajis that don't want to kill us, and a giant car wash that is soldier run.

We have to was all our vehicles. That sucks, but I don't mind it too much.

We should only be here 2 weeks at the most, then we will be going to some random Fort which will probably be Ft. Riley. We will then go to our unit. Then I will be home free until Uncle Sam wants to ruin my life again.

That's pretty much it, I've actually been updating my journal on my laptop though. Have some long ass entries for ya'll to read.

The Trooper

2005-01-02T05:17:00.000+03:30

"The Trooper" - Iron Maiden

You'll take my life but I'll take yours too
You'll fire your musket but I'll run you through
So when you're waiting for the next attack
You'd better stand there's no turning back.

The bugle sounds and the charge begins
But on this battlefield no one wins
The smell of acrid smoke and horses breath
As I plunge on into certain death.

The horse he sweats with fear we break to run
The mighty roar of the Russian guns
And as we race towards the human wall
The screams of pain as my comrades fall

We hurdle bodies that lay on the ground
And the Russians fire another round
We get so near yet so far away
We won't live to fight another day.

We get so close near enough to fight
When a Russian gets me in his sights
He pulls the trigger and I feel the blow
A burst of rounds take my horse below.

And as I lay there gazing at the sky
My body's numb and my throat is dry
And as I lay forgotten and alone
Without a tear I draw my parting groan
--------------------------------------------

Man, they just don't write songs like they use to.

Part Of The Fucking Statistics

2004-12-31T02:11:00.000+03:30

Man, the military has fucked up my life royally.

Not only am I still fighting off the sand fleas, I have added my name to a few statistics that the Army has created to explain things.

Stat One: According to the Army, if you have not tried ciggarettes by the time you are 18, you are not likely to start smoking at all, UNLESS you are in the Army.
*I tried a ciggarette one night to just satisfy curiosity. Curiosity satisfied, I coughed like a bitch and have affirmed my "no smoking" attitude.

Stat Two: When you are an 88m (Motor Transport Operator , Truck Driver in layman's terms), there are a few safety things that they always make sure to reitterate over and over again. The first most common one is that anytime you are backing up your vehicle or walking through the motor pool, you MUST have a ground guide (A person that makes sure you don't run shit over). The other one is the danger of a 5-Ton Cargo Truck's tailgate. The thing swings freely, and heavily.
* Well, I have backed up without a ground guide on many occassions. Nuff said about that one. The other one though, doesn't really happen to too many people in the grand scheme of things, but it definately does happen, I have a laceration and a bruise on my head to prove it. Just make sure future 88M that both tailgate fasteners are done before you undo one without holding onto the tail gate.

Stat Three: Within the course of your life, it is UNCOMMON to get shot at.
* I'm in Iraq and I spend a great deal of time on the road, I don't need to clarify this anymore.

Stat Four: If you do not become seriously injured or dead within the first 5 months in Iraq, you will make in home alright. Of course I paraphrased this one.
* I go home in a month. I'm still alive and my tailgate incident is the most injured I have become. I'm not even going on missions for the next 2 weeks or so.

Honestly, I'm not complaining about the last one. I could deal with that one fine. Our company has been very fortunate with its injuries. We have only had 3 injuries that required people to be shipped back home. All of them are going to do fine in life. One of them may even get laid.

Bitching and Whining, Teenie Bopper Movie Style

2004-12-17T10:47:00.000+03:30

We packed our connexes today and they are being sealed today also.

That means we have very little time left here in Iraq. I can't believe this day has finally come.

10ish things I hate about Iraq.

The smell of Urine: We have to use Porta-Shitters all the time here. I am so damn tired of the smell of urine that I want to vomit whenever I go into the "chemical toilets" (as the army calls them.

Sharing a room just big enough for 4 people with 7 people: I have very little personal space. A tent would be better at this point.

Bullshit detail work: I have guarded the same 5 Hajis countless times. I hope I never see them again unless it is because I am buying pirated movies off of them.

The Time Difference between here and the States: I am online at 1600hrs almost every day to talk to my Girlfriend and she is just getting up in the morning. What's wrong with that picture?

Freezing my ass off: It was actually nice here for about 3 weeks before the temperature dropped dramatically. Now I huddle in 6 layers of cold weather gear while my hands and feet freeze.

Sweating my ass off: When we firt got here it was 115 degree (F) heat with a breeze that would have been nice if it hadn't been hotter than the actual temperature we already were at.

Putting up with bullshit people: There are a lot of morons here that I wish I would never have to see ever again. Too bad we still have monthly drills after this.

Lack of womanly companionship: A fucking hug would be nice if it weren't from a man. I'm not getting any hugs here period though, which I can tolerate because there aren't any worthwhile females here(not that I want a hug from a man when a woman isn't present).

Lack of choices of food: The food in the Army hasn't always been the best. Don't get me wrong, chicken wings everyday isn't bad, especially when they are this good, but I would love to just have a Taco from Taco Bell someday.

Internet that only works half the time: I understand the internet is a luxury that alot of people don't have here, but if we have it, it might as well work right.

Iraq: I still think a MOAB dropped into the middle of the country wouldn't do much harm.

An End to a Beginning

2004-12-11T02:09:00.000+03:30

I feel nothing right now. There is no pain, nor is there sorrow. In fact, there is nothing new.

There is nothing at all.

I loved this person like a son loves his father. He was a kind person that taught me much about life and its inner workings. For the longest time, I never understood much of anything he talked about or how things worked. He was from another time. He may as well have been from another world.

Never the less, we made a connection.

He was in the Merchant marines for several years when he was a young man. Once they were disbanded, he decided to try something else. He then worked odd jobs and such until he found his future wife. They were married and they 3 children, 2 daughters and 1 son.
Even when I'm typing this, I still feel nothing more than a hint of regret that I can no longer see him.

Have I been that desensitized to death, that I feel nothing for someone that I loved dearly?

What kind of person am I that I haven't shed a tear, that I haven't had a single bit of sorrow wash over me. Am I even human? Have I become that cliche robot that everyone sees in the military? Have I become that killing machine that can kill indiscrimanently without a single hesitation?

Have I been brainwashed beyond all recognition of emotional pain?

He has been very sick for several months and I guess this was going to happen sooner or later. How can I say such a thing? How can I say something like that without any reverence? How can I just throw that out there without a single though of what it could mean?

Have I become that much of a Bastard?

He wasn't even that old by today's standards. He was only in his early 70s. People live to be 100 years old these days. A man died that was 114 years old a few days ago. Why didn't he live a much longer life?

Have I become that much of a whiner?

Is it whining to wish that your loved ones haven't died? Is it whining to justify another 10 years for family to live a happy life? Is it whining to bitch about something that you have no control over in an online journal?

He was a good person that had good moral standings. He never hurt anyone on purpose and those he hurt he helped as soon as he could. He's the one that taught me how to fish and fire weapons. He's the one that taught me to love the outdoors. He's the one that taught me how to deweed a garden (much to my dismay). He taught me so much and I taught him so little. I tried to teach him about computers and the internet and things that were not from his
generation.

Did I not see that we were growing apart as I got more mature?

He was my Grandfather, and I cannot even attend his funeral for I am still in Iraq, fighting a war that no one can win.

Rest in peace Papa, enjoy your eternity.
I love you more than you will ever know.

New Beginnings

2004-12-06T01:51:00.000+03:30

Hmmm, well Blogger managed to lose the entry I just typed.

Recap.

We got the apartment.

I have a day off tomorrow.

I am making Red build me a computer with me looking over his shoulder in awe and hopefully I will learn something.

That's pretty much it.

Cold

2004-12-04T20:54:00.000+03:30

Well after several missions and being stranded at random bases and being cold, I'm still alive and kicking.

Nothing really bad has happened outside of trucks breaking down and etc...

It's a cold 35 degrees at night here now. Going 45 MPH down the road makes the windchill unbearable at times. We had a guy go down with a cold weather injury yesterday. Naturally, we were told to bundle up extra for the next couple months. It's really tough to stay warm here. Especially when we have 5 hours on the road. The short 1 hour missions are really easy to deal with, but the longer missions are the ones that you have problems.

Other than that.......it's fucking cold here and that's the worst part about this place now.

I Don't Think I Know That I See

2004-11-30T01:10:00.000+03:30

I don't think I will ever understand it.
I don't think I will ever have a clue.
I don't think I will ever have a hand in it.
I don't think I will ever say I knew.

I know I will never fathom it.
I know I will never get a hint.
I know I will never take a stand for it.
I know I will never see a glint.

I see that it was never meant for me.
I see that it was never on my path.
I see that it was never meant to be.
I see that it was never

Fuck, i'll finish this when I figure out something that rhymes with path that fits the theme.

Any suggestions? Comment below.

A Compliment

2004-11-23T02:28:00.000+03:30

Our unit was mentioned in the Stars and Stripes a few days ago. Five guys from my platoon went and visited the Palaces on this base. Most of these Palaces were used by Saddam for fishing/game hunting. Now they are barracks for US Soldiers that want to kill him.

Moving on.

They walked in just like everyone else and ask how they can "get in" and see all the different rooms. A 1st Lieutinent greets them and tries to shrug them off but he has a change of heart and gives them the grand tour. I find it funny that he comments on their appearence and how they smell because anyone that is on the road as much as we are knows that getting laundry done and taking showers is pretty hard to do at times. They did the normal thing that everyone does, takes pictures of them sitting on Saddam's throne, going up to the roof to look around etc... The LT asks a few questions about what they did in Iraq and they give the normal answer of "Convoy Defense." He inquires about it and finds out that we are running missions while Fallujah is being fucked up and while Mosul is going haywire. He commented on the fact that no one in the group was over 22 and that amazed him.

It didn't matter that we were reservists or that those individuals looked/smelled bad. He said he was "honoured to have been in their presence because they were on the front lines of this war." (SIC)
I believe that is the first honest to God compliment we have gotten since we have been here that wasn't coupled with "One of" or "But" or "Just Reservists."
Even though I wasn't there, I still felt pretty good about it.

Well 1st Lieutinent Pope, thanks for the compliment, now if you could get the 1st Calvary Division to take their heads out of their asses.

Flood Of Fire

2004-11-23T02:24:00.000+03:30

Another Douchebag Mission

We go down and there is little problems other than the fact that we got stuck at an Engineer Bridge with about 40 other convoys that were all hauling the same thing. Basically all you have to ask is "What were they hauling?" and I will slap you because it's obvious what they were hauling. If you were here you would know that the only missions that go out now are just Food/Water/Fuel. Well, this was definately the worst thing that could be stuck in large quantities in one area so;

I'll let you guess what it was.

We get there, do the normal "Raid the Chow Hall even though it is already closed and preparing for the next meal," thing and we leave.
5 Miles from our final turn to "home" and I shit you not, Haji get's feisty.
I was looking out the left with my trust M16a2 and my buddy was on the Squad Automatic Weapon. He was looking out the right scanning the fields and trash dumps because that's where Haji "Pyrotechnics" usually comes from.

I hear the distinctive pop of a Kalashnikov in the distance, like 20 meters in front of me, in the distance. There were two individuals with AKs and Rpgs hiding in the midst of darkness.
They pop off maybe 15 rounds with tracers in the mix. It was just long enough for me to give them my undivided attention, not to mention 6 rounds. After a few seconds pause which I can only assume was a Jam of sorts, they opened the flood gate. I was looking at a wall of fire floating in front of me. Naturally, we had to drive through it.

---Sidetrack---First off, before you say anything about me being a pussy and not using enough ammo or etc... I'm going to tell you now, it really wasn't my fault. Some of the ammo in this country isn't the best quality you will see. I couldn't get my rifle to eject a round that apparently had lodged itself in my Firing Chamber. The Round itself had been jammed down into the cartridge. What was unique about this instance is that my rifle wouldn't eject it. I pulled back on the charging handle maybe 4 times before it came out. I later picked it up and examined it. My Firing Pin pounded the shit out of this round much like a New Convict would get pounded by Bubba, the friendly neighborhood prison-bitch-maker. ---End Of Sidetrack---

Tracers are quite beautiful at night. These were a luminous red that reminded me of a Red Wagon. You know those little kid things that are still fun to get into and go down hills in; Really big hills that have jagged stuff along the way and trees in the middle of the path that you will either hit or you will be ejected from the wagon because you were stupid enough to try and steer. I am unsure as to how many rounds were actually fired at us. I'm also unsure as to why I put my Rifle on Semi instead of Burst. Who knows, maybe I would have gotten more rounds off if I had it on Burst. Either way, I got my shots off to get the Gunner's attention.
Well, my gunner on the SAW spun around and just let loose. I went deaf for about 2 minutes afterward and I have a few burns on my neck from hot brass. The great thing about attacking a convoy is that no matter how you do it, you aren't going ot have just one person retaliating. You have every single truck after that truck that you decided to single out that has a mounted weapon that is going to take shots at you. That was a lot of vehicles in this instance.

I'm not totally sure how many RPGs were fired at us, but the general consensus is 1 1/2. Now obviously they didn't fire half an RPG at us but no one can agree if there was more than one fired or not. I'll just straddle the fence on this one.

Afterwards when we reached a checkpoint, I told my buddy to check himself to make sure he didn't take a hit and not realize it. As obsurd as this sounds, it is possible to get shot and not feel it. The adrenaline was pumping pretty fast by now and I couldn't even feel the burns on my neck from the brass. I flex my arms/legs/hands and everything seemed fine. In fact, everything was fine.

We pull into our destination and rally up to take a damage report and a rounds fired count. Everyone was checking their vehicle and everyone was telling war stories and everyone was all giddy.
We dumped over 300 rounds into this field. No idea if we hit anything but we kept the economy going by making a demand for 200 more rounds.

No one was hurt. Nothing was hit. In fact, they didn't even come close. They managed to fire everything they had inbetween the vehicle in front of us and our vehicle. This was like a 100 meter gap and they wasted everything they had on air. I'm not complaining, I just find it odd that they can't shoot a 20 foot long vehicle that is 8 feet tall.

I wanted to go home withought firing rounds in anger or self defense while I was here. That's been changed because of some random couple that were probably 15 years old on a "rights of passage" mission from one of the many Muslim/Anti American groups that hate us here.

Oh by the way, did I mention...
Owned bitch, and I got the first shots off.

Burning, Blazing, Running Out of Good Titles

2004-11-23T02:16:00.000+03:30

Fallujah, here I come, again.

It turns out, things are getting pretty bad back at home base. Several people from my Batallion have been attacked in the last week. Apparently the insurgents that left Fallujah prior to the attack have found a new home. Too bad it's only 15 miles south of my temporary home.

No one was hurt fortunately though.

It's odd, the unit we are escorting is going home soon. While I think they have their own fair share of idiots, they deserve to go home.
For one, they are one of the most decorated units in country at this time. Most of them are Purple Hearts, but that's still an achievement.
Two, they are one of the few units in our Batallion that have lost somebody. No one needs to see their friend burned alive, no one.
Three, the sooner they go home, means it's that much closer to us going home. 3 months and counting. I think someone said something like 92 days. Sounds good. 92 days til I'm back in the states dying from the American Smog rather than the Iraqi Burning Trash Smoke. It's gonna be great.
Well, just an update on moving in with a friend. Looks like it's going to happen and I think I am going to start taking classes at The University Of Columbia. I don't really know if I want to get the Academy out of the way first.

My biggest obstacle to overcome now is the lack of drive I have to start my life. When I first got out of High School, I was raring to go, but then I was activated and I just want to sit around for a while. I know this is a bad idea because for one, I won't be able to make rent. Also, if I just sit around for a long long time I'm pretty sure I would go crazy. Let's be honest, it's not bustling with activity here. We have a mission that lasts maybe 6 hours if it's fast 10 hours if it's slow, the rest of the time is either spent sleeping or working out/joking around. It's not a bad life if it weren't for the chance of death by Iraqi ingenuity.
I use to be afraid of dying here, but statistically speaking, if I haven't died yet, I'm not going to. Well, here at least. I have run more missions that most companies. According to our Group Commander, (who is a nice guy but our Group Command Sergeant Major is a Bastard) we spend as much time on the road as the MPs do. Considering the MPs go on patrols daily, that's something to say proudly, or pissedly because we are being overworked at times.

Something new to bitch about. A new Command Sergeant Major/Commander has taken over some random unit that outranks my unit and they have issued a decree. No Physical Training Uniforms will be worn outside.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

So that means no Physical Training outside. No playing sports outside.
Morale is going to hit a new all time low on this one, I can see it. Plus, this means we cannot take our PT test right before we leave so some promotions won't go through. That's going to piss some people off, I can tell you that now.

Oh well, our briefing for our mission to Fallujah is in 40 minutes.

To be continued....probably.

And it was probably continued but a black hole sucked in everything that was typed and it was all lost.
They finally putu the fire out. It lasted like 7 days.

All went well btw.

Douchebag

2004-11-23T02:11:00.000+03:30

Another mission to Camp Douchebag

Wow

Small Arms in a Country of Pain

2004-11-23T02:00:00.002+03:30

Well, yet another mission to Fallujah, imagine that.

The temperature is slowly dropping. During the day, it's barely topping out at the high 80s. That means during the night, it's going to be colder. This time, I put too many layers on for the staging area and sweat a bit but as soon as we get going down the road it's just right because every part of my body that doesn't have 4 layers on it is freezing but the rest of my body is doing great.

We leave early this time, which is an uncommon thing because of the unit we run with. Well, you guys remember that fire I was talking about a few entries back? Well, it's still burning strong. Strong enough that it illuminates an entire convoy so everyone can see what you are escorting and how much firepower you have.

A convoy in front of us receives Small Arms fire and they panic and put it out across the Net (comms). We recieve it, realize that we are directly behind them and shift into "Ultra violent."
What the fuck were we thinking? Anytime they shoot, they scoot. They aren't going to be there for the next convoy. As soon as someone recieves fire, air support shows up out of nowhere, secures the area and that's the end up of it. Every single gunner was excited that they might take fire and thus get to shoot back. I know I was itching for some action. Of course, afterwards I would have thought it sucked and wished it didn't happen, especially if someone was hurt, but alas, nothing happened.

We get to our destination and that's that. We drop off the supplies, head back, and yes, that fire is still burning. Get back after no problems.
Mission accomplised.

Man, why couldn't we have left 10 minutes earlier and gotten the small arms fire? We so would have fucked them up.

Small Arms in a Country of Pain

2004-11-23T02:00:00.001+03:30

Camp Douchebag

2004-11-23T02:00:00.000+03:30

Oh yeah, another mission.

Wait, we're not going to Fallujah tonight, that's no fun.

Tonight, we are going to another camp that is closer to the center of Baghdad. Since I have never spoken of it before in this Journal, I need to name it.

Hmm, it's led by the 1st Calvary Division. It's a pain in the ass to get to. The road there is bumpy as hell.
There really isn't much to do there in the since of wasting a few hours. It smells oddly enough like a female that hasn't cleaned up in a few months.

Camp Douchebag

I think that will work.

Well, it's another trip to Camp Douchebag, a fun fun place.
Well, it miraculously dropped to 50 degrees here. Of course, this is on one of the nights that I am a gunner. So we put on all this extra Cold Weather Gear and immediately we start sweating. Of course, we know we can't take any of it off once we get on the road because that would mean we have to take off our body armour.

Only a dumbass would take off his body armour on the road.

That said, we strip a few layers before we leave the gate. I manage to get my armour back on right as we leave the gate and the other gunner puts it into "high gear" and he's ready a few meters outside the gate.
First off, I eluded to the fact that we had too many layers sitting there at the staging area
Well, I was right. We had too many layers to be SITTING THERE at the staging area.
Once we got moving though, it was a different story. We were freezing.
Now, I'm not a well toned, Hooah soldier that can go on for hours. I am a chunky soldier that isn't fat, but I have extra baggage so to speak so I was extremely thankful for the extra padding. I could tell the difference because my arms are actually fairly well toned because I lift weights to pass the time. They were very cold because they didn't have that layer of protective tissue. My stomach on the other hand has some extra tissue on it. It stayed relatively warm, and for that I am grateful.
We get there after no problems. We get back after no problems. Textbook mission.

Too bad it was 43 degrees when we got back.

This country either sucks badly, or this country badly sucks.

Fraggo

2004-11-23T01:50:00.000+03:30

Well, it's yet another run to Fallujah for us. Just a simple run down the road, a few turns and we are there. We are pulling out of the parking lot and one of our Gun Trucks just stops dead in its tracks. My truck drives by and we smell the unmistakable smell of Army equipment built by the lowest bidder.

Somehow, the ignition switch burnt out or the wires leading to it burnt out or the truck is a piece of shit.

Well, the last one is a given.

They get the truck started again and get it ot the staging area. Well, since my truck has 2 gun mounts in it but only one "Big Gun," they kick me out of my truck and put a .50 Cal where I normally stand. Well, first off, I think, "Cool, I get to run the .50 Cal tonight."

Next I think, "Ok, I guess I'm gonna be sitting out this one because they are loading another person into our gun box.
They take me back in the broken truck and the driver, the Non Commissioned Officer, and I run off to the Morale Welfare and Recreation tent to use the internet and watch some movies.

Another mission well done guys, another mission well done.

Mission Complete, sorta

2004-11-23T01:47:00.000+03:30

We actually had a mission canceled. This is such an unusual occurance that I'm going to devote an entire entry to it.

We had a mission canceled. It was good.

Fire and Gas Line Falling From the Ground

2004-11-23T01:40:00.000+03:30

We wake up very early in the morning for our next mission. Well, to be honest it isn't another mission, it's the same mission. The same one I will be on for the next 14 days. It's not raining. It's not cold. It's just a normal Iraqi night.

Which means something is going to go wrong.

Here we are cruising along at a slow slow 45 mph. For those of you out of the Sphere of The English System, that is some other number only it's KPH. The other gunner and I keep seeing this orange glow in the sky. He first says something and asks if that was Fallujah.

I immediately thought, "Holy shit! What are we doing to that city?"

Well, it turned out to not be Fallujah, although the thought if it being Fallujah was a warm and fuzzy one that I will like to keep with me for a while We get closer to the Infamous Abu-Ghareeb prison and we are blinded by the orange glow that has turned into a 3 story flame.
Well, I'm blinded, the other gunner with me is just in awe. I still had my Night Vision Goggles on.
I flipped my goggles up and there it was, a gargantuan flame in the direction of the prison. Now, it was my turn to ask the apparent question. "Is that the Prison ON FIRE?"

As we got a better view, the flame was no longer on top of the prison, it was in the middle of the road. The road we had to cross over to get to our destination.

As I said, this flame was huge. In fact, it was the biggest flame I had ever seen. It turns out, a gas line had been ignited. Obviously, this was a ploy to keep soldiers from going down that road. We took a side road and kept moving. Let's face it, every single military vehicle I have ever been in is capable of offroad driving. Our 5 tons just happen to be better suited than most.

It's almost 36 hours since that flame had started. It's still there. We can see the smoke billowing up from the road from at least 20 miles away.

Nice try Haji, we're still going to fuck up your terrorist world.

Operation XXXXXXXXXX

2004-11-23T01:34:00.000+03:30

Operation Market Seal

Operation Over Garden

Operation Desert Pole

Any of those names will work for the Epic that I am going through. I was assigned a 14 day mission with the rest of my squad. 2nd Squad also "decided" to join us.

We are escorting a unit from one base to another over and over again. We aren't even staying at our own base for this one. This mission was designed so we could avoid a certain stretch of road that isn't very safe for anyone at this point. So naturally, they have us escorting a high risk target from one base to Fallujah. How this is any safer, I will never know.

Trudging on.

Our first night, we start off at our home base and take them to Fallujah. Everything goes well except for the fact that it's raining and since I am gunning on this mission, my face, hands, goggles, weapon, body armour, and my kevlar are covered in Haji mud. I probably spent more time wiping off my goggles than I did scanning the roads for IEDs. Anyway, we get to Fallujah to pick up a unit that has been stranded there for several days. We show up just in time to have some Haji try and shoot rockets at the base we are staying at. Isn't that nice of them? To top it off, we are escorting a PLS (Palletized Loading System), a form of cargo hauler with sensitive items on it. They tell us we cannot leave it if we are attacked and the vehicle is disabled. Nor can we destroy it because it is needed for the assault on Fallujah that is currently taking place.

Pure joy and happiness flooded over us when they told us this.

Well as I said, the assault had already started. This in turn made us stay there at Camp Fallujah for much longer than we had to. It's cold in Iraq. Don't let anyone tell you any different. It drops to about 60 degrees which doesn't sound too cold to normal people. Of course, they always have a damn breeze that makes things even chillier. Also, it decided to rain as I said. I was sleeping on the bed of the truck when it started raining. In a normal world, your first step would be to go inside. A soldier that is in iraq's first step is to zip his Gore-Tex jacket up just a little more and pull the hood over his face. Problem solved. I go back to sleep and everything is well.

They have been shelling all this time from the Marine Corp base. Very cool to watch, and not that hard to sleep through once you get use to it.

*BOOM BOOM*

*sleeping*

*BOOM BOOM*

*still sleeping*

*Nerrrroooooowwwwwwwwwwwn*

*wakes up*

What the fuck?

*boom*

*BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM*

Well, Haji got off a few rounds in reprisal. It sailed maybe 35 feet over our truck and landed on the other side of our base. The series of shots that happened right afterward were the Marines that had Triangulated in on Haji's location.

Marines don't like to get shot at. Neither do I for that matter.

We drive back from Fallujah after several hours of just sitting there. Apparently, one of the rockets that soared over the base whilst Haji was getting his ass pounded landed in the middle of the road. We go around the quaint little orange cone that is marking the Unexploded Ordnance and kept moving.
We get back to Taji and everything is happy. Except the fact that we have to go back out shortly there after and start this stupid, hellacious mission I am on now.

Evil Bastards Of CNN

2004-11-23T01:30:00.000+03:30

I've often wondered where I would be right now if I hadn't joined the army. My original plan was to attend Western Illinois University and study Criminal Justice and Law Enforcement.

When I was a kid, I always had all these dreams about being an Astronaut, a Fire Fighter, a Super Commano GI that could take on an entire enemy army all by himself.

The one theme that was consistent in all of these chosen professions was the ability to help people. To help people achieve their dreams of touching the stars, to help people out of a burning building, to help keep the world overpopulation at bay.

Basically though, it was to help people.

A scathing news ariticle by CNN caught my attention the other day. It was an older article, I don't rememeber off hand what made me pick up the magazine, but I did just the same. The Iraqis were opening up a new Water Treatment Plant or a Sewage Treatment Plant, one or the other. There were American and Iraqi soldiers there handing out candy to the children that had shown up. Insurgents sent an explosive into the mass of people. Several people died, including women and children. I'm unsure if any Soldiers were hurt.

CNN reported that the Soldiers lured the children closer to them so they could be caught in the blast that they knew was going to happen.

I guess the Soldiers knew something was going to happen. At any "ocassion," insurgents try to cast a shadow over achievements by killing, maiming, and injuring their own people.
In all the chaos, CNN reported that American Soldiers let the children die. They failed to report the fact that it was the insurgents that planted the explosive in the area. They also failed to identify the fact that it was a Muslim extremist that built the explosive.

They simply failed.

I was trying to think of a "catchy" acronym explaination for "CNN" but the best one I could come up with was "Conscience Needing News." It's pretty weak I admit, but it gets the point across.

Remember soldiers, Big Brother is always watching, but CNN will put you in prison.

No Idea of What's To Come

2004-11-05T03:18:00.000+03:30

I was reading these "Xangas" today after a friend of mine sent me a link of his "Xanga." I looked on the list of links and there was a "Hannibal Trash" webring on there. I figured it would be interesting to read up on some people that are back home.

I was wrong.

Most of these people are still in High School or just graduated. They really have no idea what awaits them.

Honestly, I have no idea what awaits me. Ever since I have been a junior in High School, I have known nothing but the Army. Whether it had been our monthly drills or if it was my God-awful training, it's all I've known. My girlfriend and I are planning on moving in with eachother. We are looking for a roomate and a mutual friend was agreed upon as a good start. I really hope he decides on the arrangement. I think it will make for some good times. Also, it will give me more a comfort area, because I will have someone else close by that I can relate to.

I am terrified of going back to the real world. I have been apart of something that took care of me for 19 years of my life. Many High School students have the same problem when they first go to College. For me, I was institutionalized by the US Army. I honestly don't know what I am going to do with my life. I know I am planning on being a cop. I have no idea how I am going to go about doing it though. I want to have a degree, but I know if i start school again, it's definately going to be difficult to start. If I manage to get going well in school, the Army is going to reactivate me. I'll end up going to another POS country that wants to Self-Destruct and I'll be under complete control of nothing for another "545 days or until your mission is deemed completed."

For an Institution that teaches you to be "independent," it certainly makes you depend on everyone else as they depend on you.

There is an amount of pressure placed on you. I've seen some crack. I've also seen some that aren't able to handle it to begin with. They are the ones that we do not take on the missions with us.

I really don't know where I am going with this. I just know that I can't wait to get home, even though I have no idea what awaits me. Just like when I was in High School and I just wanted out, and I had no idea what awaited me then either.

I remember an older movie called "Escape From L.A." The main character always said "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

You were right.

But I'd still rather go into the abyss of my future, than die in this shithole country.

Correctional Panties

2004-11-04T17:46:00.000+03:30

First off, great name huh?

Second off, I'm doing great in the land of Hajis.

Third off, I'm not injured or perfect or anything inbetween.

Jack off, ........err. nm

Yeah, still doing fine here. just bored. Don't really have anything to say.

Important things that should be said:

Bush won so we bomb Fallujah.
We were gonna bomb Fallujah anyway.

I love Steph.

I'm gonna be a cop someday.

Kerry lost, but he lost with grace.

I have a penis that hasn't seen any action in some time. Not a good thing.

Thta's all the important things to say. I think i am just rambling on because I can.

That is all.

Follow The Golden Road

2004-10-22T08:13:00.000+03:30

This is sort of a continuation of my last journal. This all happened in a 4 day period.

For a recap for those of you that are too lazy to read the previous journal:

This mission sucks so far. Moving on.

We arrive at our midpoint destination, a little camp known as "Scania."

We find out that we have to wait there a bit. Not really a problem because most of us are exhausted anyway

We sleep for a few hours and head out. No problems.

We do our mission and head back. Well, we try to head back but we end up getting stopped because the original route we took was closed because, well because they wanted to close it.

So we wait around another night until the new route is opened up and cleared of IEDs and such.

That next morning, we leave before the sun rises. Halfway to our next destination, they close the route we are suppose to take because the first convoy that has gone on it in 4 months gets shot up. Keep in mind this route was suppose to have been cleared. So we stop off at Baghdad International Airport or BIAP. After some good food and a little rest (15 minutes worth), we find out our route is open.

We leave and head towards a route we have never even heard of and a route that no one has ever been on. We manage to find it and we manage to get down it without any problem.

***********I can't give any details about it because one, It's a main route and well quite honestly, if Haji reads this and finds out what I'm talking about and people die, it will be directly my fault. Two, it's a worthless route that I will not have to take again so i don't give a shit.*************

Well, after we end up at our destination and drop off the equipment, we pull out. We send our rear truck up to block traffic so we can get our convoy moving easily. I am in the gun box with another person and our LT and "Mr. Wonderful" are up front in the cab. We accelerate because we needed to time our entry into traffic. It looks like this is going to be an easy insertion but what does Haji do? He slows down, then rolls into the intersection, then decides that he cannot get out in front of our truck. He hits us in the side. Needless to say, this wasn't a good thing. His mini van type thing is all messed up. Our truck's hood is a little miffed. Well, it's all fucked up too. Our Standard Operating Procedure says "if haji traffic and military traffic collide, you get out of there and call the MPs because it's a dangerous situation." So we skidaddle.

I have no idea if anyone was hurt. I know I saw all the occupants of the minivan leave the vehicle under their own power. Who knows, maybe the US Government will give them a brand new car or something. Or maybe we'll send them to one of our many death camps.......concentration camps.....uh, I mean reprogramming...............damn it. One of our luxurious living camps where your lifespan is increased passed the age of *cough* 12 hours past the time you show up.

Not that we have any of those. Although, I think we should have an Abu Ghreeb resort to send insurgents that shoot RPGs at me.

Honestly, those are nowhere near cool.

Strike Three, You Suck

2004-10-21T20:05:00.000+03:30

Things here are getting worse because of a major holiday.

Ramadan (Now if I only had those dramatic minor chords to make this sound worse)

We were escorting HETs (Heavy Equipment Transporters) to another base that was way far far away. Well, not that far, but since I'm a gunner I have to stand the whole time and that is no easy task in the back of a Five-Ton truck.

We pick up whom we are suppose to escort and we wander south into "safer" parts of Iraq. 30 minutes into the trip 3 people in my truck hear a whistle.

I didn't hear shit.

I heard the next noise though. *THUD*

Some asshole shot an RPG at us, imagine that.

He missed.

Strike three.

You suck.

Oddly enough, there is usually just one bad thing that happens per mission these days. 10 miles down the road, we are passing a grade school full of little Iraqi school children. Another asshole shoots at us wih his trusty Kalashnikov. Naturally since us gunners give a damn (and because I don't want to spend the next 30 years in prison), we didn't shoo back because we could have hit a child.

What kind of fucking coward uses children as a body shield?

Why don't you fucking find your spine and balls and face me like a man.

Fucking coward.

Cry Me A River

2004-10-17T16:56:00.000+03:30

There is a Quartermaster Company in the Reserves that refused to do a mission to my Camp the other day.

They refused to do it because they sid they didn't have all the necessary protection/working vehicles. They even pulled the "deadline" card out of their back pocket.

What fucking pussies. We travel through the Baghdad area all the time. I get shot at. We shoot back. They try and blow us up, we keep rolling.

Deadline-a vehicle that is unfit by military standards for missions.

Now, a vehicle that is deadlined can be ran with the Commanders permission. Usually a deadline is some random thing that can be fixed easily or the vehicle can operate well enough that you can send it on mission. There are several serious reasons that a vehicle can be deadlined, not having a fire extinguisher, having a crack in your windshield, have a leak that is bad, not having a troop strap in the back, tire tread being too low, batteries corroded, gauges read wrong, horn doesn't work, the engine idles high, among other idiotic things. Now obviousoly, there are real good reasons why a vehicle should be deadlined. The fact that they didn't mention what their deadlines were probably means that they weren't all that bad. I have a truck that is probably the best truck in the fleet that has 2 or 3 of these things wrong with it.

Now these guys are under investigation for refusing the mission. Since they refused to go themselves, someone had to go in their stead so 19 people from their unit that weren't suppose to go ended up going for them. I'd be a little pissed off if I had to go on a mission because my friends pussed out.

Naturally CNN latched onto this as a way to say the military isn't taking care of their soldiers. While I do agree with CNN that yes indeed, the military isn't taking care of their soldiers, I do not believe that they should be getting all the publicity that they are. Honestly, the soldiers that are still fighting and still dying are the ones that should be in the limelight. Hell, I've done virtually nothing great here by military standards and I should be getting more publicity than them. They don't deserve to be on the front page. They deserve to be buried underneath the obituaries next to the story of the Cat and Dog fashion show fiasco.

Basically what I am saying is,

Cry me a fucking river you fucking pussies.

A New Low

2004-10-15T06:57:00.000+03:30

It's been 5 days since I had a day off from missions. They just keep coming and since my squad is short a couple people, they need fillers for both of our Gun Trucks. Well, since I am oh-so-handy, they keep putting me on missions. This mission consisted of us riding "bitch" to an Active Duty unit that thinks they are in control of the convoy.

While they may be the ones that issue the orders, we are the ones that have to bail their asses out if things get hairy. Anyway.

We have been in country for over 8 months now. They have been here less than 2. We know the routes, we know the procedures, we know where those damn Iraqis like to shoot from. They do not know the routes. They have to go over the maps with the afore mentioned "Joe." They do not know the procedures. One of them asked me what they should do if an Improvised Explosive Device is detonated next to them but they are undamaged (you keep driving numbnuts). They are new to the area. They have no idea where the Iraqis shoot from. The only faintest idea they have is what Army Intelligence says and that can be flawed at times. Yet, they insist on leading the convoy and having their Humvee in the rear.

Moving on.

At first, we do not have to be there until 11:40 PM.

No problem, that gives me 5 hours to do whatever I need to do etc...

It gets bumped up to 11:00 because "You guys need to be here a little early so we don't miss our sheduled time to leave."

Ok, I'll just get over there ungodly early and sit there. Which we did.

They call everyone together for the convoy briefing and say the normal things that I could recite with my testicles in my hand. They say, "Any questions?" We say, "eeeuuahahhahh" and they say, "Ok, let's get moving."

We climb into the trucks (I am in the gunbox tonight with my mean m-16A2) and suit up in our body armour and helmets. Then, we sit, and sit. After about 20 minutes I ask the driver what's up and he says "They sent one of their Humvees off for some reason. "

Ok, I'll just take my gear off because this is obviously going to take hours. After an hour and a half, I find myself laying on the top of the cab of our truck listening to the Armed Forces Network radio station coming out of a nearby base.

It's 2 am and everyone is irritable and tired. The next thing that happened is what put the deployment to a new found low (The waiting didn't because it's a pretty common thing for convoys to be delayed for stupid reasons, I once had a convoy delayed because there was fear that a donkey with a cart wandering across a major road was full of dynamite. They called it a "Donkey Borne IED"). What put this deployment at an all time low is that on the Armed Forces Network radio station, they played, I shit you not, "Roxanne."

"ROXANNE! You don't have to wear the red lace!"

*hysterical laughter*

"Walk the streets for money!"

"Holy shit, it's 2 AM and I am in Iraq and they are playing "Roxanne." *Everyone laughs*

This is a new found low in the fucking country.

After we left, everything went really well. We left for our base on time and everything.

Too bad as we were turning onto the Main Supply Route, some idiot drops his rifle out of the window of his truck. It manages to get run over by a 915 (Semi Truck) and its trailer. He jumps out and grabs the rifle which looked to be in surprisingly good shape.

What do you know, a whole now low again.

Oddly enough, this unit's call sign is "Professional ##." They are a bunch of fucking professional morons.

Fear

2004-10-14T07:06:00.000+03:30

I once believed that all was achieved
by being brave and being strong
but now I know strength's just a show
it's fear that pushes on

When your strength quits, and you lose your wits
it's fear that clears your mind
if your bravery dies, and loyalty cries,
it's fear that you will find

I wrote this just on a spur. I guess basically what I was saying is that Fear is the driving force for survival. Sure, you can say that you were not scared and that you were all macho-gung ho-gonna kick ass-hooah-soldierly that time you were shot at, but then I would just kick you in the nuts and tell you that you are full of shit and that you need to grow the fuck up.

Strike One, Strike Two

2004-10-08T00:33:00.000+03:30

It was a fairly routine mission. We escorted some fuel tankers to another base and we made it there without incident except for the Iraqi National Guard group that flipped us off because we refused to slow down and they refused to speed up.

That's a pretty normal thing around here by the way.

We get ready to leave the base and head back to Taji. It's almost time for the sun to rise and reveal the shithole of this place. Our Serial (convoy) leaves the base and we are cruising right along. We have to take a different route than we are use to and naturally they put the best driver in our squad ("Joe") and their less than mediocre GPS and Commo guy at the lead of the Serial (me). After some handy driving by Joe and some puzzled looks from the GPS/Commo guy, we end up on the road we are suppose to.

On a side note, this guy could find his way through New York if you just describe it as vagely as possible. As far as the GPS/Commo guy, I know how to use the shit, but it's military grade so that means it's not civilian grade. If you don't know what I mean, ask anyone that has been affiliated with Government Contracts or equipment.

Back to the convoy:

We are driving through a mostly calm area and the sun is slowly rising to the right of us. Since we are in the lead of the convoy, we have to push our way through morning traffic (yes push, not edge, or slink, or slide, push). After pushing through yet another group of morning Iraqis, we are off again at normal convoy speed. I am talking to Joe just like we always do in an effort to keep our minds on the task at hand. I think I said something about that Iraqi female, the one showing the bit of ankle was really hot. Mid sentence we hear the unmistakable sound of an explosion behind us. I look around at anything that might tip us off as to where it came from and Joe asks "Did you hear that?"

Of course, he heard and knew what it was because he was doing the same thing I was. He was madly looking around trying to see muzzle flashes or hear shots fired.

After every convoy, you are suppose to have an AAR (after action review). Well, normally we don't have one unless something happened. Since something happened, we naturally had one.

It turns out 2 seperate RPGs were fired at our convoy. One was fired from our right side from the top of a building. I guess since RPGs aren't that hard to find here, another was fired from our left side from an alley.

The RPG that was fired from the building hit the ground 20 meters from the road. Strike one.

The Second RPG that was fired from an alley managed to go haywire and hit a building. Strike two.

It's a good thing that there wasn't a "three." I hear that the third time is a charm.

A Lack Of Things To Say

2004-10-07T14:33:00.000+03:30

I don't really have anything to put here.
I know there are things I could say.
I know there are things that I could divulge.

Honestly though, they aren't that important.

The only thing important is that they are still alive.
The important thing is that they are still walking.
The important thing is that we are still full strength in manpower as far as my platoon is concerned.

I guess basically what I'm saying is I don't have anything to say therefor I'm not going to say anything.

A Night From Hell

2004-10-01T22:59:00.000+03:30

I was not there, however this is a version of what happened as told by a gunner in my platoon.

Our company was escorting some 915s (Tractor Trailer/Semi) to a base that is only 45 minutes away. Everything was going well until the Lead Gun Truck saw two sandbags in the middle of the road. They avoided it like they always do by swerving to the side. After they pass it, they discover that this little concotion of Iraqi mayhem was an Improvised Explosive Device.

They instinctively yell IED over the radio and at the truck behind them (whether that did any good). The next truck goes past it unscathed but the 3rd truck in the convoy which was a Hummer swerved at the last second and the IED was detonated by some coward nearby.

The gunner that we'll call Fish said he heard his driver yell "IED" and for him to get down. He said he didn't have time to get down. He looked in the direction of the truck in front of him and all he saw was a wall of fire. He crouched down. The vehicle that was directly in front of him wasn't as lucky. The driver caught shrapnel, or rather the shrapnel caught part of his calf. There was a hole through his calf the size of a silver dollar. The nearest Combat Life Saver (CLS) rushed to the vehicle. The passenger was just a little messed up. The driver however lost a lot of blood. They medevaced everyone out of the area that was injured.

After support arrived (tanks, helicoptors), they were told to gather sensitive items (communcation equipment, weapons, classified material), Fish was told to get the radio. He said he grabbed the handle on it but he couldn't grip it. He said his hand just slid off and it came back feeling wet. He grabbed his flashlight to find out what was up.

When he pointed the flashlight in the direction of the radio, he said he could see chunks of flesh and dark red blood all over the cab of the vehicle and the radio.

Both people are in stable condition and they are expected to survive.

Again

2004-10-01T22:26:00.000+03:30

*Thud*

That kind of sounds like a...

*Thud*

That was definately a..

*Thud*

Think it was out going or in com....

*THUD*

Yeah, that was definatly incomin...

*Thud*

Try again mother fuckers.

Too Little, Too Late

2004-10-01T08:13:00.000+03:30

Turns out that the great being above is changing the length of tours in Iraq.

They are making the tours only 6 to 9 months instead of the full year depending on the job you do.

Of course that is going to start only after I go home.

=Translation=

The next crop of soldiers will only have to be here half a year to 3 quarters of a year.
The next rotation of troops will start sooner which means I will have less time stateside.

I'm nineteen years old. It's getting more and more difficult to start a life after high school.

"USAR" Stamped On My Forehead

2004-09-22T09:08:00.000+03:30

"Welcome to Kuwait, please make sure to not leave anything on the plane, do not take pictures of the flight line, and make sure to keep all long barreled weapons pointed towards the tarmac at all times."

My first breath of Kuwaiti air.

*deep breath*
*cough*

My first Kuwaiti person.

*looks the person over, sees it's male*
*frowns*

My first day "boots on ground."

*realizes this isn't Missouri, feels happy*
*realizes he has a rifle, ammo, and body armour*

*realizes this is going to suck*

It was a very long flight. All the other platoons of people were on commercialized military flights complete with actual seats and someone that was going to bring food to you. We ended up in the back of a KC-10 which is a cargo plane. We sat in jump seats that were not very comfortable in the least bit and they made your legs go to sleep. We stopped off in a place in Spain that I shit you not, was named "Moron." Of course, it wasn't pronounced that way, but it might as well have been with the way things were going for us.

"Prepare to fast forward!"
"Preparing to fast forward sir!"
"Fast forward!"
"Fast forwarding sir!"

We arrived in an active duty unit led base that was slowly phasing itself out. They treated us well. They treated us like soldiers away from home. Now that they are gone, a new Brigade has arrived. They have been here for almost 5 months now. When they first got here, they said they were going to be claiming buildings from people because they needed room. This sounded like a reasonable thing because yes, they did need room. They said they were going to be taking land too. They said they needed room for their vehicles. Well, yes, they needed room.

They kicked units out of their buildings and gave them 2 days to move everything out. Some of these units had been there for almost 9 months and as one can imagine, things were perfectly organized for them and everything was unpacked. If they weren't moved out in that 2 day period, they were accused of slowing the process down. This in turn, led to paperwork against the unit.

The "First Calvary Division" from Fort Hood, Texas are the most elitist sons of bitches I have ever met. Everything that they do to make their lives better affects Reservists and Guard Members negatively. They said that they would be getting new equipment for the entire base. Me being in Convoy Defense, this was a good thing because we were getting new goggles and new helmets and new cold weath gear (Because 60 degree weather is much colder when you are going 60 miles per hour down a road). Keep in mind that the 1st Cav have everything as far as units, from paper pushers to infantry to etc... They made sure all of 1st Cav had everything they wanted. They filled out everything for them. When it came time to give us our equipment or "plus up," they sent what they had left over. I am still short a pair of goggles, a new type of body armour, cold weather gear, and a pair of boots. No one in my company has any of these things. Apparently, they ran out. The new helmets were given out too, but only to 1st Calvary elements and ones that directly supported them. I was talking to an office clerk person that had all brand new stuff. She said they never go on the road, they never go anywhere. They do their job, then they go back to their barracks and get up the next day and do it all over again. She had everything that I didn't get. Plus, she also got these kevlar shoulder covers that are suppose to stop shrapnel. She has them laying underneath her bunk in her room. One week earlier, a soldier of ours was hit by shrapnel in the shoulder. He'll be lucky if he regains 60 percent of his mobility in his arm.

I always wanted to be active duty. I wanted to have the pride that came with it. I even considered joining the 1st Cav so I could be a driver in their "great" unit. Now, I won't even wear their combat patch on my shoulder.

I wear the 1st Armour Divions combat patch, and I wear it proudly, because at least they keep their anti Reserve/Guard dribble to themselves.

Misplaced Hatred

2004-09-16T23:13:00.000+04:30

*Thud*

*Thud*

"Goddamn it, what the fuck is that?"

*Thud*

*Thud*

*Pop Pop Pop*

I rolled over an hour ago and looked at the clock. It said it was 2100hrs (9 PM). I initially thought I was stuck in a war movie but then I realized that I was in a war and that this probably wasn't a movie, and if it were a movie they were doing a damn good job of hiding the movie cameras that captured the money shots. Then I realized that getting a good-night's sleep here was nearly impossible.

*Thud*

*Thud*

I stared at the ceiling that is only a mere foot from my face. I really think the Iraqis had never heard of Bunked Beds when they built their buildings. That's something you will always notice about military buildings that were designed to house soldiers, they have ridiculously tall ceilings for the type of room you are in but it all makes sense when you lie on the top bunk.

*Thud*

*THUD*

Nothing puts things in perspective like a giant explosion that rattles the windows and makes the doors in the building slam shut if they are open and slam open if they aren't secured.

*Thud*

Damn Iraqis, they can't shoot their AKs straight nor can they drive like a normal civilized people, but they can sure shoot a massive amount of mortars at a base and blanket the area.

*Thud*

*Thud*

*Thud*

*Thud*

I guess it was "buy one, get 10 free" at the local Haji Mart on mortars.

*Thud*

*Thud*

I really think they know they aren't hitting anything. I think it's basically an attempt to piss us off and not let us sleep. Even though we'll just get more sleep during the day when we get tired.

*Thud*

My door swung open and it kind of scared the crap out of me because people usually don't open our door past a certain time. Coincidently enough, it was past that time so I flinched noticeably.

"Those explosions are controlled"

With that piece of information I pointed my arm in the general area of the First Calvary Division, turned my fist palm facing my face. Extended my middle finger and said, "Shut the fuck up." Magically, it stopped and I thought I was going to have to get up and dance a little to celebrate the occasion.

*Thud*

I rolled back over towards the wall and heard someone in my room say "Mother fucker, stop blowing shit up." Then I heard the unmistakable sound of someone rolling back over.

I hate this place.

Casualty Of War

2004-09-16T01:15:00.000+04:30

IED - Improvised Explosive Device - A device deliberately placed and detonated to cause damage to persons, or equipment.

They fire at just about anything that moves. As soon as something "dangerous" happens, they go haywire and they do the utmost to kill the thing that did it whether they can see it or not.

A soldier in a unit we escort was killed by an IED. There was absolutely nothing anyone could do. Another soldier was injured in the incident.

Well, to say the least, this put them on edge just a bit.
They get attacked almost everytime they go out now. Whether it is because the enemy knows our tactics, or because of the type of mission they run or maybe it's because the enemy can smell fear from a mile away.

I'm leaning towards the fear theory.

By no means am I saying they don't have a reson to be afraid. They are a very decorated unit. Most of them are Purple Hearts though. They have a very dangerous mission and they get attacked a lot.

It happened again tonight. They were attacked, and apparently they fired at just about anything that moved, and some things that didn't. There were probably some people indigenous to this country killed.

This time though, they found the people that fired at them. They fired back.
Maybe they will gain a bit of their composure after getting some of the bad guys.

Grant My Wish Damnit

2004-09-16T01:13:00.000+04:30

“Thud”

“Thud”

Try again mother fuckers.

“Thud”

It’s kind of funny what you think of as you lie in bed just laying there.

“Thud”

I just use to beg for another day to be over so I will be closer to the time that we go home.

“Thud”

I just use to close my eyes and open them and wish I were laying in my own bed.

“Thud”

I actually wished I would get wounded so I could go home and resume that normal life that I didn’t really get to start in the first place.

“Thud”

Now I wish the damn mortars would stop so I could go back to sleep.

Reverie Hurts When It's Over

2004-09-16T01:08:00.000+04:30

I still remember the first time I met Stephanie. Though I didn’t really meet her as most of the stories go. I was at a friends house and we needed to fix a problem that was so heinous, that we had to actually ask a grown up. Our Potato gun wasn’t firing correctly. At that time, it seemed like the most important thing to us. Now, that potato gun is just sitting there in his garage, and she is the most important thing to me.

We were standing around “The Don.” I call him that because he scares the shit out of me in a way only the father of your girlfriend could scare the shit out of you. Oh, and his name is coincidently “Don.” That’s not that important though. Well, as I said, we were standing there looking at the master of all things pyro (at that time) fix our potato gun. Then, I hear “Bye Dad, I’m going to ……….” I don’t remember where she said she was going mainly because a female just kind of appeared in front of me and at that stage in my life I was desperate. “The Don” introduced Steph to me and I just kind of let out of a guttural “hey” and went about my business

(Oh yeah, first contact made, she wants me).

Leap, jump, skip (which ever verb you choose to use except skip you fag), forward about 5 years. My best buddy had to pick up his brother from a meeting of sorts so naturally; his father conscripts me because he hates me. Or rather he likes me a lot. Or rather he tolerates me because I fixed his computer once or twice. We get there and we are sitting there in his car listening to Rammstein or Stuck Mojo. Either way, it was good stuff. This girl walks out and I naturally caught her on my radar because she lacked a dick and she smelled prettier than the inside of his car, which has probably been defiled by half a dozen people. I say to my friend “She looks pretty good!” He replies with something that threw me off, “No, she’s not that good looking. She’s really weird.”

Well, “She’s really weird,” coming from a guy that can bend his shoulder 90 degrees the wrong direction she was eliminated from prospects.

Again, increase the speed at which time moves by about .000003 times. 1 year later, I make the choice of signing up for the Army. I go to Basic Training. I come back. Another friend invites me over to spend some time because he hasn’t seen me in god knows how long. Also, there is the chance that a few girls show up. So me being the Hetero Sexual teen that hasn’t been around females for 11 weeks, I jump at the chance to mingle with the better-looking sex. We get there, and we walk in. There are 3 females sitting there. One is amazingly good looking. One is amazingly good looking. One is amazingly good looking. In retrospect, I don’t’ know if they were all amazingly good looking because yes indeed, they were amazingly good looking or if it was because I had been deprived of female connection for so long. Either way, they were very soft on the eyes and hard on the…well attractive.

I ended up dating one of those girls. I’m going to marry her.

Once again, jump into my Dalorian and ignore about 1 year.

It’s hot here. It’s sandy here. I hate this place. I hated New Jersey at one time, now it seems like a hanging garden of Babylon.

The beating last time was really horrible and demoralizing, maybe this one won’t be as bad. Maybe it will only last a few seconds and then they will get back into their spaceship and leave me alone for another day. Maybe they won’t take so much pride in it? Maybe one will call in sick and they will decide that it really isn’t worth the time to beat my ass with only 10 of them.

“Fwop”

Shit

The same spaceship appears. The same 11 robots come out. This time though, there is a new one with the group. He lingered inside for a moment, probably for a more dramatic entrance, that son of a bitch. This one makes it a big deal to turn around and show me the back of him. He has the word “Reality” in red car chalk (you can tell by the way it smears and has the little circle with the dot in the center, not that I’ve ever done anything like that or anything). He brought a spiked club for the grand occasion, that son of a bitch. They all circle me as they always do. They all take their first swings as they always do. Except, he swings last, and the hardest and doesn’t stop hitting me until I’m incoherent. Reality truly is s son of a bitch.

The Beating Begins

2004-09-16T00:58:00.000+04:30

I have been in Hell for almost six months now.

It's not hell because it is hot (though it is indeed very hot). It's not hell because everywhere you go people are being tormented by something you can't control (though people are being tormented by things that we cannot control). Its not hell because there is a big red guy that has a tail, a pitchfork and a long set of horns (though if you painted someone red, gave them a tail, a pitchfork and a long set of horns, there would be some likeness, but not much). It's hell because I am ripped away from everything that I had quite honestly gotten very accustomed to. You ask, "What is this thing that you have become accustomed to that you have been removed from against your will? Well, the answer is easy, A normal life. Not the stereotypical "normal" life that was depicted in the happy days or on shows like Leave it to Beaver. Nor is it the "normal" life that you see on HBO's Real Sex. The "normal" life that I arm referring to is the one where you get to choose what to wear and you get to choose what you are going to do that day rather than having it laid out for you ahead of time by someone that doesn't really care what you think.

I made a choice.

It was not a mistake for I am a better person for doing it and you cannot count something as a mistake if you learned and bettered yourself in the outcome whether good or bad. I signed a dotted line (which I would later refer to as a dashed line just to be stupid and would pay the consequences but that is a totally different story not really worth telling so because things in this world are a little flimsy, I will tell you in the not so near future if you are unfortunate enough for me to forget to forget to tell you). I hopped on a bus, which took me to a plane, which took me to a place called hell (but this was a self proclaimed hell by most anybody that goes to this type of place so it is not the same aforementioned hell).
As I said, I came back as a better person. I learned much in the art of blowing shit up and breaking bones that aren't suppose to be broken. I was also conditioned to make clear judgments on little to no information (does high school come to mind?).

I enlisted in the Army and it all (the word “all” is such a blanketing word and while I could have said 'some' or 'mostly' I believe the impact of the statement would have been cheapened) went to shit. Some guy that will remain nameless but we will refer to him as "Dubbya" decided to look for weapons of mass destruction (WMD) in a not so wet country named Iraq. "Dubbya" then called forth from his big white house to my little white house and said in a manner not so much unlike the representations of god on television "You are being activated in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom."

Most people would have had some long drawn out complaint or something a little longer like "I don't want to go" or "I'm not going, I'm moving to Canada!" My response was much more brief and to the point. I opened my letter, looked down at it and said with every ounce of manliness I could (which isn't all that much because the words "you have been activated" tend to take a lot from you) "Mother Fucker."

Little did I know that me saying the words "Mother Fucker" would cause a chain reaction of events that could not be stopped such as my mother hitting me on the shoulder which in turn made my dog bark loudly which led to me looking around in shock wondering what the hell happened to the television show "F Troop" which then led to the rereading of the letter several times using my mind to will it to change. Oddly enough, it did change. First, it started off like "You have been activated in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom." As I read it and used my mind control to change the words into something more manageable, it slowly changed into "You’ve been activated to Iraq." Well, since this wasn't really what I was looking for, I read it again and using my untapped telekinesis I changed the statement to "Activated to Iraq." This obviously wasn't what I was looking for either so I reached deep down inside my mind, body, soul, and bowels and used a power that can only be described as "uuuuurgghgh" (which is the noise I made while I used this power) and the letters swirled around and it changed into "You're Fucked."

Then from nowhere, I heard a noise, which could only be described as the noise a large spider makes when it falls from a high up place.

"Fwop"

Following this "fwop," a spaceship appeared and 11 pure white robots appeared from a walkway that extended from the ship. They quietly filed out and surrounded me. Their demeanor was that of a surgeon that is going to remove your appendix with a hacksaw. Then they began to bludgeon me to death, and it hasn't stopped since.